heart v brain

when i moved to london, i loved the city instantly. i loved the history, the people, the buildings, the boroughs and most of all the sense of adventure that my life suddenly had. don’t get me wrong,  there were tough moments – indeed some of the lowest moments of my life – but i knew that london was where i needed to be.

my experience of moving to sydney, has not quite been the same. i love being closer to my family, the warmer weather, our circle of friends, the beauty of the harbour and beaches, and my lifestyle; but i don’t love the city in the way i love london.

i was pondering this the other day and the answer came to me: i’m still in transition. i left london because i needed a different lifestyle. my brain tells me that i needed to be healthier and save more, but my heart still wants the fun.

when i think about it, i’m really happy with my choice: work is going well, we’ve bought a house!!!!, i’m saving heaps more, i’m eating better food, i’m spending more time with my family, and i’m exercising a lot more . but beneath that happiness a candle still burns – and i think it always will – for the city that made me who i am.  

two thousand and zen

meditation changed my life. not in a dramatic i-was-blind-but-now-i-can-see kinda way, but in a subtle, baby-steps my-life-is-better-over-time way.

i discovered meditation several years at a time when i needed to heal my body and mind. i read a couple of books about it, went to an introduction to buddhist meditation course and started getting up earlier to sit in the morning sun and meditate every day before work.

at first, it was bloody hard. the mind races – constantly races – and trying to find those few seconds of peace was difficult. over time, i improved and felt more balanced, more connected, more at peace. my body healed (admittedly, meditation was just one of the healing factors), i let go of unimportant issues and life just felt that little bit better.

but then life changed and i fell out of the habit. it became one of those things i always wanted to do but didn’t find the time for. and suddenly, five years later i’m sitting here, typing, wondering how i could let so many other things get in the way of something so important.

so my resolution for 2012 is to meditate daily. no exceptions. first thing in the morning, on the train to work, in the park during lunch... i will find time every day to close my eyes and quiet the mind.

Taken at Cockatoo Island, Sydney Harbour